DEPRESSION: LET'S START TALKING

Every year, the World Health Organization sets a theme. This year 2017, the WHO theme is Depression, let's talk. I want to discuss this theme because even though a lot has been said about this topic, the level of awareness is still low especially in Nigeria, we are not yet talking about it freely and most importantly the stigma attached to Mental Health conditions is still very high.

It is a common sight on our streets to see "mad" people. We see "mad" people who are aggressive, we see the ones who are very quiet, those ones who are very neat and organised. We even gave them names. I remember a Yoruba proverb which says "Were dun wo, ko se bi l'omo" translated as "it's fun to watch the mad man but not fun to be related to him". This buttresses the fact that our society ostracises mentally ill people and so people rarely talk about it when they have mental health issues for fear of being labelled mad. Also, in my culture once people know that you have had a mental illness before, you can never do anything right even if you are back to normal. If you laugh, they will say it's too much, if you don't laugh, they will say you have relapsed.

When I was younger, some relatives brought news of how one of them was seen in Neuropsychiatric hospital, Aro, Ogun State. They didn't bother to greet him for fear of being identified with him. But they brought the news home. What they didn't know was that the person they saw was a Nurse in that hospital. 

Depression is a very common mental disorder all over the world. Identified causes include a combination of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors. It can affect any age group though it is more common in adults. It can occur with other serious medical illnesses, such as diabetes, cancer, hypertension and Parkinson’s disease. These conditions being chronic may predispose to depression and some of the drugs used for the management of these diseases have side effects that can contribute to depression.

Symptoms of Depression must have persisted for more than two weeks before the diagnosis can be made and it includes:

Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood

Feelings of hopelessness, or pessimism/ Irritability

Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness

Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities

Decreased energy or fatigue

Moving or talking more slowly

Feeling restless or having trouble sitting still

Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions

Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping

Appetite and/or weight changes

Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts

Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems without a clear physical cause which may or may not ease with treatment.             

Today, the story is based on a Depression support group setting. Each member of the group tells his/ her story in order to encourage one another. I hope you find it easy to understand and highly informative. Thanks.         

Good evening. My name is Mrs Awe but you can call me Bisi. I am 43 years old and I'm a retired  banker. I have been in this group since 2011.  I love being here because I can easily express my feelings. Before then I had severe Depression and I didn't even know it. Now, I am an ambassador of some sort on Depression.

 I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Graduated top of my class at the University at the age of 22. By the time I was done with youth service, jobs were lined up for me. I chose banking. Being brilliant, I worked my way to the top in no time. You can call me a workaholic. I did not have a closing time. My work meant everything to me. I became a director by the time I was 29 years. With it came official car, chauffeur driven and an official residence (one that I had no time to sleep in). I was always on the road, traveling from one state to another and sometimes outside the country. I had no time for emotional entanglements. Men had nothing to offer me. A lot of people envied my independence, achievements and all. I thought my life was good until things started falling apart.

By the time I was 33, my two younger siblings were already married with children. My cousins were married. My matter became everybody's business. I come from a very large close knit family. Weddings in the family was a good time to bring everyone together and to discuss serious issues especially one like mine. At one of such meetings, I was asked questions like, "she o o ri toaster ni?" ( isn't there anyone to woo you?); " Abi ako re ti po ju ni?" (Are you too choosy?); or she o fe ka matchmake e ni?   (Do you want us to find a date for you?). 

All these made me resolve never to attend any family function again. When they didn't see me, they hounded my telephone lines, both mobile and office phones. Men, dem wahala too much. Nah by force to marry? Shey person wey no marry no dey enjoy life again? Abeg, make dem free me jare! So, I boned everyone. I called no one. I didn't return all their calls. I did what I only knew how to do best; Work.

Slowly and unknowingly, I withdrew from friends (that was understandable as they were married with kids and I was always the odd one out), from family (because of all their wahala) and from my house because it was like a shell. My house always felt empty. There was simply no life in it. It always made me feel empty and alone. I started feeling like settling down into a marriage. Maybe my people weren't wrong after all. If I had a husband and children, my life would be a lot better, I thought. By this time, only few married men or divorcees made passes at me. Lack of experience made me blind to the fact that they were only after my money. After two failed relationships, I gave up trying. Those relationships however left a mark on me. I was no longer happy. I became so irritable. I got angry over nothing. I was  nicknamed WITCH at the bank where I worked. It was terrible. When asked how I was, I would answer fine but I was far from fine. In fact I was anything but fine.

A few years rolled by and the situation went from bad to worse. The bank was letting go some members of staff and I was offered an early retirement. That was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Over the years, I had nothing except my work. It was the only thing that I had. And that one thing was taken away from me. How I got home that day, I still can't remember but I know that I stayed in bed for days without bathing or eating. I lost interest in everything. I felt forsaken. I felt as though my world had ended. A black cloud was descending to envelope me. Truly, I wanted to die. What was there to live for anyway? No husband, no child, no job and unfortunately, no family around me.

In my state, I had forgotten about my cousin's wedding which was holding in my town at that time. My parents had tried to reach me to no avail. They visited the bank and were told about what happened. They dashed to my house and banged my door but I couldn't get up to open it. They broke down the door to find me on my kitchen floor in a pool of blood. I had slashed my wrists. I felt someone carry me and then I passed out.

I woke up in a hospital with all my family around me. They were so happy that I was alive. The doctor came and offered to refer me to a psychiatrist. My family supported me. Though it was not easy being on medications, it really helped a great deal.  I had a new lease on life. That was when I joined this group. I learnt from other members of the group. I learnt about coping mechanisms, learnt to talk and interact with peers. I learnt that I had reasons to live. The major one was to prevent people from going down the path I went through. So, I found my mission which is to talk about Depression.

Today, I'm no longer on drugs, I'm married to a wonderful man with two children (twins 😇). I have a business that I run successfully. I'm happy and proud of myself. Thanks for listening.