Hi dearest friends. Merry Christmas to you all. Wishing you a prosperous new year ahead. I hope 2013 was fulfilling for you. If it was not, may Almighty God not let the blessings of this year elude us, Amen.
Today, I am starting a series on sexual health in family life. You would be surprised at how much drama goes on behind closed doors! How does marriage, children, work, etc affect our sexual health? Do all these factors improve or reduce sexual activity between spouses? All these are what we want to discuss this season. I would love this topic to be an interactive one as much as possible, so I implore you all to make contributions as you read and share it. Thanks.
This is a common scenario:
Titus rolled over on his self designed king sized bed to look at his wife still sleeping beautifully beside him. Though it was still dark, he was wide awake. He loved this woman. She was the girl of his dreams, the love of his life and the mother of his two wonderful soldiers! She was an amazing woman, he thought. She was the one who held the reins of their home tightly together. How she managed everyone in their home was beyond his comprehension. He could barely survive on the very few occasions that he had to watch the boys only for a few hours. They always drove him nuts. However Titi always coped effortlessly with everything except for one thing that could not be overlooked. She was horrible in bed.
When he had designed his king sized bed shortly after their wedding five years ago, he had envisioned it being like a Maranatha stadium where unlimited activities would take place. Only God knew what happened to his wife. She had been completely transformed immediately after the arrival of their first son, Tim. She always had one excuse or the other for him anytime he wanted to show his desire for her. If it was headache yesterday, it would be stomach ache today and back pain tomorrow. She was always too tired in the evenings (which was understandable) and she was always in a hurry in the mornings to get everyone ready for work. The excuses were limitless. He could not believe she was the same person he married. When they were newly weds, they would lock themselves in throughout the weekends and have marathon sex. She knew all the tricks to make him beg her for more.They used to baptise every room in their house with sex! But now, getting her to have sex with him once in a blue moon was a Herculean task. Even when she agreed to it, she would just lie there like a log of wood waiting for him to just "do the thing" and leave.
This morning, he was hoping that she would succumb to him. It was just a few minutes past three a.m. She did not have to get up until the next two hours. There was enough time to satiate his hunger for her and his "mr John Thomas" could testify to that. So, he snuggled close to Titi.
Titi stiffened as she felt her husband, Titus move close to her. "What in God's name is wrong with this man? Is sex food? Se o je bi ounje ni! Ehn? Haba! He is always looking for an opportunity to do something ni. Kilode. He won't even allow me sleep. At least we don do, do do since we marry, e no dey tire." Titi muttered.
Titi was a woman who found it very hard to understand her husband. Titus simply loved sex a lot. If he was happy he would want sex, if he was sad, it was sex that he wanted. When he got back from work he would want sex. Haba! It was sex, sex and sex for him. She was the one who carried pregnancy, twice now. She was the one who suffered the labour pains and the episiotomy she was given during delivery. She was the only one in that house with a good sense of responsibility. She had to get up early, cook, clean, wash and get everybody ready for work or school. What would Titus do to help her? NOTHING!!! His favourite song was AKEBAJE by Lagbaja. Akebaje was a lady who could not do anything in the house except to have sex with her husband and her husband loved her for it. What Nonsense! Should she leave all the house chores and be doing Kerewa?! Oshisco. There was simply no way she was going to let him touch her this morning. She turned to her husband and said in a no-nonsense voice, "I am not in the mood".
Sexuality is a big part of being human. Love, affection and sexual intimacy all play a role in healthy relationships. They also contribute to your sense of well-being. We are sexual creatures, though it can be easy to forget that with all the stresses of our everyday lives. An important part of living a balanced and healthy life, however, is being in touch with our inner desires. Acknowledging and satisfying our sexual needs boosts endorphin levels, which lowers stress and heightens feelings of contentment, relaxation, and happiness.
One out of every three couples struggle with problems associated with low sexual desire. One study found that 20 percent of married couples have sex fewer than 10 times a year!
Sex may not be the most important thing in marriage, but without it, a marriage relationship suffers. When it's good, it offers couples opportunities to give and receive physical pleasure, to connect emotionally and spiritually. It builds closeness, intimacy, and a sense of partnership. It would be one thing if these lustless men and women were married to each other; they could agree to go off into the sunset, basking in platonic bliss. But it rarely works that way. People with low sexual desire are generally married to partners who want more sexuality, intimacy, physical closeness, and connection.
If you're the spouse whose libido is lacking, remember that your most powerful sexual organ is your brain; in order to feel more sexual, you first have to decide that a loving, satisfying sex life and marriage are important. Then commit to finding your untapped sexuality within. Do not think about anything negative. Do not remember the wrongs your spouse did.
If you're the spouse with greater sexual energy, you'll need to approach your partner with greater understanding and compassion, which will improve communication, compromise, and acceptance. Do not listen to your friends when they encourage you to cheat or seek solace in pornography. Be patient with your spouse.
Factors responsible for low sex drive
It may be due to physical or psychological reasons;
1. Physical;
- menopausal or peri menopausal issues
- obesity
- stress due to work
- fatigue
- diabetes
- some anti hypertensive drugs
2. Psychological
- marital problems
- children's problems
- depression
- infidelity
- feeling ugly due to weight gain
- other emotional problems.
Tips to reviving your sexual life
- The Nike solution: "Just Do It". This does not mean you have to force yourself whenever your spouse asks for sex but you should know that having a positive attitude towards it helps. If you don't try, you won't do anything. Not doing anything may set the template for infidelity which we do not pray for.
- Be creative and active in bed.
- See a marriage counsellor if you have marital problems.
I hope the above piece will help one marriage or two. I am expecting feedback from my readers please. Thank you very much.
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