After the exam, I had a malnourished child on my hands! It was not funny. Guilt enveloped me. I had neglected my child. I had to devote my attention afterwards to feeding the child and in no time, his weight was above the expected for his age.
That was my experience. There are other parts of Maternal deprivation that we may not know. I will shed light on them shortly.
Maternal Deprivation occurs when a child is deprived of maternal care, the effect of which is marked in the child's first three (3) years of life.
There are Four related types of Maternal deprivation:
-Mother-Child separation as occurs in divorced homes or maternal deaths
-Multiple Mothering: the child has different mothers caring for him. He does not have attachment to a particular person as occurs in extended family system
-Distortion in quality of care: as in Overprotection and Child abuse.
-Institutionalization: examples are children in remand homes, Orphanages etc
OVERPROTECTION
ThIs occurs when the child is extremely pampered and inadequately disciplined. It occurs often in children who are the only offsprings of parents or of a particular gender that parents had been hoping for. It may also occur to children whose parents are very busy because the parents try to compensate children for their absence.
EFFECTS OF MATERNAL DEPRIVATION
- Failure to thrive as the child may not grow adequately
- Feeling of abandonment
- Delinquency e.g Stealing, fighting, lying, aggressiveness
- Lack of concentration in studies
- Lack of compassion for others
- Improper behaviours
As usual, here's a story for your enjoyment. It is based on overprotection as a type of maternal deprivation.
Victoria had been married for 10 years without a child. She had never ever been pregnant. Not even from morning till night. . She was labelled a witch. In fact someone claimed that Victoria was the second in command in her witchcraft society and had contributed all her children there. What name was she not called. Many people deserted her. It was as though being barren was a communicable disease. It was terrible.
The doctors told her nothing was wrong with her. She should only be patient. The only saving grace she had was that her husband Kunle, was always on her side. If not for him, all these would have been unbearable.
Until a miracle happened that changed everything! She was pregnant. Wow! It was a long awaited blessing. After nine months, she was delivered of a healthy baby boy. However, she had complications after delivery. She had postpartum haemorrhage. The doctors then told her later that she could not have a child again! It hurt so badly but at least she had her baby. She named him Oluwaseyifunmi meaning "God did this for me".
Days rolled into weeks and moths into years, Seyi was now eight years old. There was nothing that money could buy that this boy did not have. He could even choose the kind of car to take him to school. He had two nannies at his beck and call. He couldn't lift his hand to lift anything. The servants were at his mercy. They had to be in his good books. If he didn't like someone, the person would be fired.
Seyi was given the liberty of choosing what to eat. He almost always chose Chocolates, Bobo etc. he did not like eating Rice, yam, not to talk of Eba or Amala. Indomie was usually the other option. He did not like having a bath nor did he like brushing his teeth. Victoria would never tell him to do anything he did not want to do.
His grades in school were bad. Teachers were fed up with complaining. His mom had instructed them never to give him homework nor to correct him in school. No wonder he had repeated twice already. In fact he should have repeated again last session but because of the mom's huge donation to the school he was allowed to go to the next class.
As if that was not enough, there was no insult too large for his mouth. He had no respect for anyone. He was just a law unto himself. Kunle warned his wife saying, "A kin ke Omo kan ko di meji" meaning no matter how much you pamper a child, it can not increase the number of children you have.
One fateful day, Mom took him to the Zoo. The zoo guide had told them not to go into the crocodile's pond but because as usual, Seyi would never listen, he threw tantrums and jumped into the pond. He landed on an angry crocodile who opened his large mouth and bit off his leg. If not for the timely intervention of the Zoo guide, the other crocodiles would have eaten him up.
Victoria sat at her son's bedside in the hospital. Looking at his amputated leg, she wished she could turn back the hands of time and do things differently. She prayed and hoped it was not too late......
We might not have power over the causes of mother-child separation, Institutionalization or multiple mothering. But we do in the case of overprotection and child abuse. We owe it to our kids to train the right way as the Bible states in Proverb 22:6. It does not mean that we don't love them. In fact it's because we love them, that's why we should prepare them for the future.
Hopefully next time, I will talk about Child Abuse. Thank you all for reading. Please share!!!
